Revenge and harbor malice


It is written in the Torah (Vayikra, 19:18): "Do not take revenge, do not keep malice in your heart against the sons of your people and love your neighbor as yourself." "Do not take revenge" - that is, do not treat him as badly as he did to you. “Do not keep malice” - if he caused you pain or suffering, do not keep anger and hatred in your heart.


Ramchal, in his book Mesilat Yesharim, writes that one of the reasons why it is very difficult for a person to part with plans for revenge is that the pain from the resentment does not subside in his heart, and it seems to him that revenge will calm him down. If a person manages to overcome himself and abandon plans for revenge, then the pain and memories of resentment will go away on their own.


It is very difficult to give up the desire for revenge if we do not realize and do not notice that all events carry a special meaning. However, realizing that everything that happens is controlled by the Almighty, and often this is just an echo of past events and our misdeeds, we easily take our hands off the sword of retribution. That is why our main task is to open our hearts to this understanding. In addition, it is worth paying attention to what benefits this commandment brings us: if many of us will be more restrained and will not hold a grudge, the world will undoubtedly change for the better.


Rambam writes that for wise people, revenge is just a waste of time, since much of what is happening is seen by them as something insignificant. And while we may not always be able to take a detached view of the situation, we should rely on our great teachers and just take this golden rule on faith.


If a person in need of help comes to you who has deceived or hurt you in the past, you are forbidden to remind him of this and close the door on him.


This commandment is not limited to time or place, and applies to both men and women. The task of parents is to find the right way to explain this prohibition to the child and help him overcome the obstacles that he encounters already in childhood. But we must not forget that the child must also be explained in what situations it is allowed and even necessary to repel the attacks of other people. The Torah does not forbid to defend oneself when a person is in danger.


The prohibition to take revenge and keep anger applies not only to strangers, but also to close relatives. Parents are forbidden to take revenge on their children. Children should not take revenge on their parents.


Despite the fact that children are obliged to honor and respect their parents, in the case when a father or mother orders not to forgive or take revenge on someone, the child is not obliged to obey them. This applies to any action related to the violation of one of the commandments of the Torah.


It is not forbidden to take revenge (we are not talking about manifestations of cruelty or murder) to a person who is engaged in missionary work and leads the Jews away from the Torah. The same applies to apikoires who is opposed to faith and tradition, as well as to a person who constantly violates the commandments of the Torah. But the sages warn that in this case one should be very prudent and not create a dangerous situation for oneself and for other Jews.


There is no prohibition against suing a Jewish court (beit din) against someone who does not return the money you have lent you, or against someone who harms you.


In addition, it is allowed to take other actions (of course, within the framework of the Torah) in order to return the money or avoid any damage.


Source: Rav I. Silver "Ways of peace and good." www.beerot.ru


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